"He sends rain on the just and the unjust..." (and sometimes miraculously)

 

[The following is an excerpt from an unusual memoir I've been writing. Most of it is stories of how I have failed to love God supremely in my life and how He has lovingly smashed my idols one by one. But it also contains stories about his amazing provision and protection for me, like this one from the summer of 1989, when I moved west to attend seminary...]

I have to tell you about what happened on my four-day drive out to California from Pennsylvania…

I made the trip in a little aqua-colored Ford Escort that was already old and beat up before I drove it 3000 miles in the August heat, and it would take a miracle for it to survive the trip. But fortunately God is a God of miracles, as they say, and I saw his power at work in an amazing way on my trip. My girlfriend Jill had given me Scripture verse cards to look at each day and memorize the passage on them. It was Isaiah 43:1-3…

      But now thus says the Lord,

he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

 

Jill had broken the second verse into two parts so I could read and memorize a verse on each day of my four-day journey, and I did do that every day, so that I knew the entire passage by the end of the trip. I also wrote a song on the last day containing all the words in the passage. I was celebrating on that last day because of the miracle that happened on the third day, which was spent entirely in the deserted stretch of land that I think they call “the high plains.” I’m not sure of that, or even what states that route stretches through, but I remember that I passed through the Rocky Mountains and slept the second night in Colorado. On that third day it was extremely hot and the sun beat down for hours on my little old car laden with too much weight with all my stuff. The air conditioning system overheated and broke, leaving me sweating like a pig, and I was expecting the whole engine to do the same at any time, which made me sweat even more out of fear, because there was nothing out there except signs that said “Next Gas 200 Miles,” or something like that. I swear that I even started seeing steam or smoke coming out from under the hood in front of me. I truly thought I would be stranded in the middle of nowhere at any moment, but I kept moving forward because I wasn’t sure what else to do.

              

And I prayed. And worked on memorizing the third Scripture card, which said, “When you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” When I first pulled out that card there was not a cloud in the sky, and believe me, I could see very far out there. But I remember thinking, Only by God’s power will this car’s engine not burn up and strand me out here. 

In the afternoon, when I was sure the car could not stand the heat any longer, I caught sight of a lone cloud formation far in the distance ahead of me. It occurred to me that if somehow rain could fall on the car, the engine might cool down enough to continue functioning through the rest of the day. But I am about as far from a scientist or mechanic as anyone can get, and the cloud formation was far off to the right, seemingly moving away from where my car was headed. As time passed, however, the clouds did actually start to grow closer to my path, and while the sun was still at its height and scorching everything else in that forsaken no man’s land, this man was not forsaken because the clouds ended up right on top of me and rained on my car for about an hour! It was a small cloud formation, as I said, but it seemed to me that it actually changed direction and went the same way my car was going, just long enough to cool it off. After the rain ended and the clouds receded into the distance behind me, I only had a couple hours of sun left and I made it to my next hotel stop, where I and the car could rest for the night.

The Scripture for the day had come true very literally in my case—the fire of the sun had not burned or consumed me as it could have, because my Lord was with me. And the fact that he allowed the air conditioning to break was meaningful to me as well. It was like he was saying, “I haven’t promised you comfort, but I have promised to be with you and preserve you from destruction.” 

When I arrived at my new home in California, I took the Escort to a mechanic who asked me, after looking at the engine, “Did you say you drove this car from Pennsylvania?”

“Yes.” 

“No you didn’t.”

“What do you mean?” 

“The engine block is cracked. There’s no way it could have made it that far.”

I told him about my experience and the Savior who brought me through. He was the first person in California that I shared the Gospel with.

“My Christian wife left me and justified it by saying ‘We never had a marriage’”

I chose that title for this blog because I searched the internet repeatedly trying to find something that addressed this issue directly, and could not find anything (which surprised me, considering how wide the net is). So now there is something that does, in case anyone else wonders about this issue. (I did find this good article, however, which indirectly addresses it: https://www.gotquestions.org/unhappy-marriage.html.)

I’ve thought about this issue a lot because of someone I know who went through this, and I think there are others as well, because when I mentioned it to my pastor, he said that he’s heard this before. So I’ll share the details of the situation that I know about, and what I think the Bible says about it, and hopefully it can be helpful in some way to others (particularly spouses who might be considering divorce based on this kind of thinking).

A Christian couple had been married for many years and had many children together, but when the wife left and was asked about the reason (and biblical justification) for her choice, she said repeatedly, “We never had a marriage.” She had many other complaints, of course, but that was a big one, presumably because it made her decision to leave morally acceptable. If someone has never really been married, then he or she is not really ending a marriage, which God says should only happen in extreme circumstances (Jer. 3:6-10, Matt. 19:3-10, 1 Cor. 7:10-15).

Here is an actual text dialogue, shortly after the wife left, between the husband and a “pastor friend” who had been counseling her…

Pastor Friend: I’m convinced that any type of marriage counseling would not have worked … because from all angles you didn’t have a marriage.

Husband: There are two things you said that need to be addressed. The first is this idea that "we didn't have a marriage," which [my wife] says over and over again (maybe she got it from you and/or [your wife]?). I'm having difficulty thinking of polite words to use to describe this idea, but I'll just pick one that you used previously... unbiblical. We can say whatever about our marriage, that it was troubled, weak, bad, regretful, etc., but it's simply not true that we didn't have a marriage. We took vows before God and the church, we consummated physically (to the tune of [many] kids), we were legally married, and everyone in the society recognized and related to us as married. So "from all angles" (to use your truly mystifying verbiage), we’ve had a marriage according to God's Word. From what you said about that and what you said about counseling right before that, I'm now wondering if you and/or [your wife] are a big reason why [my wife] refuses to do any counseling with me, even with a counselor of her choice, which I've offered to do repeatedly.

Pastor Friend: We will have to agree to disagree. While all the “trappings” of a marriage are present … it doesn’t mean you have a marriage. Not all Israel is Israel. Not all believers are believers. Not all marriages are marriages….

Husband [the next day]: I woke up in the middle of the night and realized something important and ironic about our conversation that I feel compelled to share. You guys are telling me that I need to repent when I already have repented of my sins, asked [my wife] for forgiveness, and shown the fruit of repentance by being willing to go to counseling to work on myself and the marriage (which is all I can do at this point). But you (and your wives) are actually in need of repentance, because you are approving of and supporting my wife divorcing me when she has no biblical grounds to do so, which is displeasing to the Lord and harmful to her, our children, and many others. The idea that we "don't have a marriage," in particular, which you have either encouraged or not corrected, is especially damaging because it allows her to think what she's doing is okay with God. That's probably why she keeps saying it over and over again, because if we don't have a marriage then she's not ending a marriage and doing something that God hates. (Please share this with your wives.)

I won’t write as much as I could about what the “pastor friend” said, because I don’t want to kill a gnat with a sledgehammer (something I’ve done too many times). But if we assume that the Bible is God’s sufficient Word to us, it should be fairly obvious from the following examples that He views a marriage as a real marriage when public vows of marital commitment have been made and sexual consummation has occurred (plus a governmental and legal record is helpful—though not necessary—in confirming the legitimacy of the marriage).

Also, the ex-husband in that situation disagrees with his ex-wife about the quality of their marriage (he thinks it was difficult, of course, but also that there were many things to be thankful for). But let’s assume for the sake of discussion that it was a very bad marriage…

Genesis 2:24 (quoted in Ephesians 5) doesn’t say a couple is married only if it’s a good marriage—it simply says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” When a couple makes a public commitment to create a new family and they consummate that relationship, they are married in God’s eyes and are referred to by Him as husband and wife (Gen. 2:25 et al).

The Bible contains many stories of very bad marriages, and they all are treated as real marriages. Take Jacob and Leah, for example… Jacob did not even intend to marry Leah (he thought he was working for and marrying Rachel but was tricked by their father Laban), and their marriage was very rocky, to say the least. Yet Leah is clearly said to be Jacob’s wife throughout his entire life until the end of it. And even Rachel, who he married seven years later, is referred to as his wife from then on. I’m not saying this to legitimize or promote polygamy, but the point is that even a marriage that does not follow God’s design from the beginning is still considered a marriage in God’s eyes. (Deuteronomy 24:1-4 proves the point also, because it treats an illegitimate second marriage as a real marriage.)

Ephesians 5 says Christ is married to us (the church)…. Is the church a good spouse? It could rightly be said that Jesus has a very bad marriage in the sense of how we treat Him, yet He is really married to us and stays married to us through thick and thin (mostly thin!).

1 Peter 3:1-2 says, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” The context indicates that this passage applies to extremely bad marriages—“likewise” connects it to the discussion of abusive slave masters in the preceding verses and verse 6 twice mentions a potential “fear” that wives might experience. My point here is not to say wives should stay in an abusive relationship, but simply to say that even relationships like that are treated as real marriages in the Scriptures.

Even when people are in the worst marital situation imaginable, they are still married according to the Bible. So this must also be true of merely “unhappy” marriages. If couples get divorced, even for unbiblical reasons, then they are really and truly divorced (also proven by the wording in Deut. 24, as well as 1 Cor. 7:10-11). But until one partner leaves with no intention of returning, the couple is married in God’s eyes and responsible to keep their vows and try to make it work, “for better or worse, in sickness and in health,…” etc.

The argument that “not all marriages are marriages” because “not all Israel is Israel” and “not all believers are believers” falls apart very quickly when we realize that God’s Word says “not all Israel is Israel” (Rom. 9:6) and not all believers are believers (John 2:23-24). So of course those statements are true. But the Bible never says “not all marriages are marriages,” nor does it even hint at that idea, from what I’ve seen. On the contrary, the Bible seems to assume all marriages are legitimate until they end in divorce, which the Bible views as legitimate as well (even though it might be morally wrong in many cases).

The idea that a married couple may have “never been really married” also makes all the biblical passages about marriage, divorce, and remarriage utterly nonsensical, because we would never know if they are talking about someone who is “really married” or someone who is not. And it creates a practical nightmare, because anyone could say at any time, “We were never really married,” and justify anything they want to do.

Advisors who promote this false idea might have good intentions in doing so, but it clearly seems to be to be form of false teaching, especially because its “fruit” is that Christian people are ending their God-given marriages by citing the excuse that “we never had a marriage.” So I agree with the statement above that repentance is needed for those who give that kind of counsel, as well as those who follow it.

 

God Met Me in My Doubt and Fear

For my time with the Lord first thing in the morning, I usually have been reading a chapter in the book of Mark and an Old Testament story in a book with Rembrandt paintings accompanying the stories. But this morning, because my son was behind in his reading (he reads the same thing as I do, then we talk about it), I needed to do something else...

Recently I've been having some negative thoughts and feelings of doubt and fear that reminded me of what I experienced nine years ago when I went through one of the worst times in my life. Does God really love me? I've asked myself. And does He really have a good plan for my future? Or will I just spend the rest of my life with no money and all kinds of health problems? Is there really a "next life" that will make all the suffering here worthwhile? 

During my crisis years ago, when I had similar doubts and fears, I would read several Psalms each day, starting with the Psalm corresponding to the date and doubling that number until there were no more Psalms to read. So, for example, if it was the 2nd of the month, I would read Psalm 2, then Psalm 4, then Psalm 8, then Psalm 16, and so on. Today was September 2, so I did exactly that this morning. All the Psalms I read were meaningful, but Psalm 16 just jumped off the page at me. I'll share some of the highlights from it below. (I read it in the New Living Translation because I wanted to experience these familiar passages from a new perspective, and that worked, but sure enough I also discovered a bad translation, which happens sometimes with that version.)

Verse 2 says, "I said to the Lord, 'You are my Master! Every good thing I have comes from you.'” This reminded me of how many good things I do have [thankfulness is a key to everything!] and where they come from [there's nothing better to crowd out doubt and fear from our hearts than thanking and praising God].

Verse 4 says, "Troubles multiply for those who chase after other gods. I will not take part in their sacrifices of blood or even speak the names of their gods." This reminded me that doubt and fear are actually forms of idolatry, because when we give in to them, we are trusting in something else other than God. And I also was reminded of an unusual memoir I finished writing at the beginning of the year, of which the title or subtitle will be Confessions of a Serial Idolater. I reviewed in my mind some of the lessons I've learned when God has toppled the idols in my life.

Verse 8 says, "I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me." This is how the NLT translates the verse, which is meaningful as it is, but when I listened to the song I share about below, I realized that the literal (and correct) translation is even better: "Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." The reference to "my right hand" hints at the One who sits at the right hand of God. Through His sacrifice for us and the work of the Holy Spirit, we have been made One with Him and with the Father and receive by grace all the Divine love and blessing He deserves. 

Verses 10-11 are the climax of the Psalm: "You will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your holy one to rot in the grave. You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever." There IS INDEED a future life that will make the trials of this one worthwhile in the end... and I pray for more faith to believe it when the doubt and fear start to creep in. "I do believe," I said this morning, "Lord, help my unbelief." 

After I read the Psalm, I said "song about Psalm 116" into my phone, and this one came up... (I listened to it four times.)