Divorce, Remarriage, and Justification by Faith Alone

I have extensively studied what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage (and read every book on the topic) because in the 90s I was an assistant to John MacArthur and answered many of the letters people wrote to him. Hundreds of them contained doctrinal and practical questions about divorce and remarriage issues arising from real life situations, so I felt obligated to answer them as accurately and completely as I could. I worked hard to figure out what I believed and developed a system that took into account all the relevant biblical passages, connecting them to one another in a way that there are no contradictions or unanswered questions. The elders at MacArthur's church asked me to draft a lengthy statement on the issue for them, which they adopted with very few modifications. 

I have counseled many people about these issues through the years and taught my system in seminars throughout the country and the world. In my opinion it has stood up to all scrutiny and is a much better approach than the no divorce/no remarriage view that many Christians hold (and is taught by the Roman Catholic Church). Because that strict view has been so prevalent throughout history, I have always taken it seriously, but I have never been convinced by it for a number of reasons. I will list some of them briefly here, and please keep in mind that I have believed and counseled this way since long before I faced the personal issues I will refer to later (so I have not formed or changed my views because of experiences I've had).

Here are some of the reasons I think the no divorce/no remarriage view is not biblical...

1) Jesus said that divorce was wrong "except for porneia" in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9, and grammatically that exception must apply to remarriage also. 

2) He only used one word in those verses (porneia), and He was a great communicator, so His audience must have known what he was referring to. As Jews, they were certainly familiar with Jeremiah 3:6-10, where God divorces Israel because she was unfaithful and "did not return to Me." (The word porneia appears four times in the Septuagint version of those few verses.) Comparing Scripture with Scripture, I believe that the people listening to Jesus would have understood that divorce was only acceptable when, like in the situation with God in Jeremiah, the faithful partners cannot fulfill their vows because their partners won't repent and return (i.e. they don't want to be faithful or remain in the marriage). I know that many no divorce/no remarriage advocates think Jesus was referring to unfaithfulness during the engagement period, but the meaning of porneia is much broader than that, the word is never used for that, and Jesus' listeners wouldn't have been familiar with the details of what happened with His parents (as they definitely were with Jeremiah 3). 

3) Regardless of whether or not Jeremiah 3 is a key to understanding the meaning of the exception clause, it clearly shows that divorce is not always sinful, because God Himself did it. (And there's also the divinely sanctioned divorces of pagan wives in Ezra 10.)

4) The fact that Jesus referred to remarried people as "committing adultery" does not mean, like the no divorce/no remarriage advocates claim, that they are "still married in God's eyes" to their first spouses. By using the term "adultery," Jesus is making the point that unbiblical divorce and remarriage is a violation of the 7th Commandment, the same way He says lust is adultery and hate is murder (breaking the 6th Commandment). The no divorce/no remarriage position reads too much into Jesus' rhetorical language in those verses. Besides, every time Jesus says things like that, he is talking about the sin of those who initiate an unbiblical divorce, not those who are victims of it. ("Makes her commit adultery" in Matthew 5:32 is admittedly difficult to understand, but those few words can't be contradictory to the rest of Scripture. And remember that in the context Jesus is hyperbolically emphasizing the responsibility of those making evil choices so they feel the full force of the Law. He doesn't repeat that wording in the more conversational settings depicted in the other passages.)   

5) In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul makes several statements that, in my mind, very clearly disprove the no divorce/no remarriage position. In verses 8-9 he encourages marriage for at least some of the "unmarried," which in the context means divorced people (they are distinguished from the widows in those verses and then from the virgins in verse 28, and the same word is used for a divorced person in verse 11.) In verse 15 he says divorced believers are "not bound," which compared with verses 27-28 includes the freedom to remarry. And those verses (27-28), clearly say that an "unmarried" (divorced) person who marries has not sinned (presumably if they cannot reconcile with their former spouse...v. 11). Notice that everything Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 fits very well with the idea in my system that we should never break our marriage vows, but if the other person makes it impossible for us to keep them through unfaithfulness or desertion (like Israel and God in Jeremiah 3), then we are free to divorce and remarry.   

Having said all that (and I could say more), I realize that I could wrong about this and the no divorce/no remarriage advocates could be right. I'm not so idiotic or arrogant to think that I have necessarily solved a debate that has raged for thousands of years. And this has become very personal for me recently, because my wife divorced me and a year later I met a wonderful godly woman who also had been divorced by her husband. I would like to remarry, but what if I'm wrong in my understanding of divorce and remarriage in the Bible?

This is where the blessed doctrine of justification by faith alone becomes very practical and gives me great comfort. Put another way, this is a very concrete illustration of how justification by faith alone works and how all other approaches to being right with God actually prevent any real assurance of salvation. If I didn't believe in justification by faith alone and I end up being wrong on this issue, I could have no confidence that I am saved and will be in heaven, because I might commit adultery by remarrying and then not be repentant enough because I don't believe I'm committing adultery. I would then be one of the people living in immorality who do not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-10) and are thrown in the Lake of Fire (Rev. 21:8). 

Because of my understanding of justification by faith alone, however, even if I am wrong about this issue, Jesus died for all my sins and his sacrifice covers even those things that I am wrong about. So even if my understanding of this issue turns out to be incorrect, I can trust that God will still forgive me in Christ. You might say, "But if you don't believe remarriage is wrong, then you won't repent of it, so you will be living in unrepentant sin." Remember, however, that in the Old Testament God told people to offer sacrifices for their "sins of ignorance"--things they did without knowing they were wrong. And of course that was a picture of Christ, who died for all our sins, even those we're not aware of committing. 

I won't go into all the biblical evidence for the doctrine of justification by faith alone--you can find that in many other places. But I'll conclude this discussion by saying that the faith by which we are justified includes a dependence on Christ to cover even the errors and sins that we don't know are wrong. And I would suggest that this is the only way to successfully navigate our doubts about any belief or practice in our lives. Because I trust in Him alone, rather than my own works or merit, I can still have confidence that I am God's child and bound for heaven, even though I might be wrong about some important biblical issues. 

A drama skit for churches, prison ministries, and second chance programs (or anyone who wants to be blessed by reading it)

[This short play was written for the men's graduation ceremony of the CHILL OUT Inmate Re-Establishment Program at a prison in Philadelphia, PA. It was performed by the inmates who had completed the program and were about to be released after serving their time.]       

 

FREEDOM

A play by Dave Swavely

 

 

NEVERIN

My name is Irving Michael Neverin, or I. M. Neverin if that helps you to understand a little bit more about my character. I was never in jail or prison, but that’s not to say I haven’t been “behind bars,” as I’ve learned from my experiences with some former inmates. Here they are…

 

 

Scene One

 

(Interior, office, two chairs facing one another. NEVERIN is seated when CARTER BLANCH walks in.)

 

NEVERIN

Welcome, Mr. Blanch, come on in and have a seat.

 

(BLANCH sits down. Both should be half-facing the audience.)

 

BLANCH

Thanks. Call me Carter.

 

NEVERIN

Okay, Carter, I only have a few minutes till my next interview, since you were late, so let’s dive right in. I’m not sure there’s much point in talking very long anyway, since you were late to the interview. That’s usually a reason not to hire someone right there.

 

BLANCH

I’m really sorry, Mr. Neverin. I had a meeting with my parole officer and he kept me too long, then I had to take three busses to get here.

 

(NEVERIN just looks at him, head going back slightly and eyes going a little wider)

 

BLANCH

I guess that’s another reason it’ll be a short interview.

 

NEVERIN

Well, ahem…just to let you know, for future reference, you don’t have to tell people you’re an ex-con right away when you go for a job interview.  We took that box off our application for that reason.

 

BLANCH

You’d probably find out anyway. I was what I was.

 

NEVERIN

Well, if you really want to get a job…

 

BLANCH

I took three busses to get here.

 

(NEVERIN’s head goes back again, but then he nods.)

 

BLANCH

You ever done anything really bad, Mr. Neverin?

 

NEVERIN (thoughtful)

Yeah.

 

BLANCH

What’s the worst thing you’ve done?

 

NEVERIN (laughing nervously)

Well, I…I wouldn’t be able to talk about that with anybody.

 

BLANCH

I can. It’s a matter of public record, in fact. But I’ve learned from it and I’m a better man now. I can even help other people who are going through the same issues, like a lot of your employees probably are. They won’t talk to you about it, but they might talk to me about it. Wouldn’t you want someone like that working for you, who values the job enough to take three busses to get here? Instead of someone who complains all the time behind your back and’ll move on in a month?

 

(NEVERIN’s head goes back again, and he nods again, this time pursing his lips too)

 

NEVERIN

Well…let’s talk some more about the job.

 

(They move the chairs out of the way, and BLANCH exits)

 

 

Scene Two

 

(Interior, a door warehouse.)

 

NEVERIN

(calling to a man who is entering stage) Hey, I’m looking for Ritter. Is he around? I’ve got some papers for him to sign.

 

JOE Y.

Hold on. I’ll find out where he is. (takes a walkie talkie off his belt and talks into it) Ritter, you around? (no answer) Hmm…maybe he’s in the John or on the phone. Give it a minute, and we’ll try again.

 

NEVERIN

Something really great must have happened to you today.

 

JOE Y.

Hmm?

 

NEVERIN

I heard you singing, while you were driving the forklift.

 

JOE Y.

Naaa, I always do that when I’m working. Don’t you?

 

NEVERIN

Uh, nooo. I don’t even like my job that much, and, no offense, but I could never be happy driving a forklift and moving doors around all day.

 

JOE Y.

Why not?

 

NEVERIN

Well, I’ve got a Master’s Degree, for one. And I could never pay for my house, my car, my kids’ school, and uhhh my wife’s shopping habits, if I had a job like this. Yeah, no, I could never be happy working here, or a lot of places.

 

JOE Y.

Well I can.

 

NEVERIN

No offense.

 

JOE Y.

None taken. (pauses and smiles) Let’s try Ritter again. (raises and waves walkie talkie)

 

(JOE Y. exits, talking into the walkie talkie as he does)

 

 

Scene Three

 

(Exterior, top of a high roof on an office building. ANTHONY stands forward on the edge of the roof with his hands out to his sides like wings. NEVERIN and LEE BERTI, one of his formerly-incarcerated employees, stand behind ANTHONY at a safe distance, NEVERIN slightly in front of LEE.)

 

ANTHONY

Stay back, I’m gonna jump.

 

NEVERIN

(to LEE, hand beside mouth) We’ve gotta keep him up here until the cops come. (to ANTHONY) Anthony, please don’t do this. I…I’m already having a bad day, what with the lost invoices and all.

 

(LEE opens his mouth and rolls his eyes)

 

NEVERIN

There are people depending on you…your family.

 

ANTHONY

My girlfriend left me and took the kids. I told you that yesterday!

 

NEVERIN

Well, your mother. She’s old, right?

 

ANTHONY

She’s dead, man. I took off for the funeral.

 

NEVERIN

Oh, right. But she’s looking down now, she’s watching you.

 

(LEE opens his mouth again and shakes his head slightly)

 

ANTHONY (more distraught)

My girlfriend went to the cops—they always believe the woman. I. Am. Not. Getting locked up.

 

NEVERIN

Well, you do have a point there. I wouldn’t be able to make it in jail, that’s for sure.

 

LEE

(shaking his head more vigorously) Okay, that’s it. (steps up and puts an open hand in front of NEVERIN’s chest)

 

LEE (to ANTHONY)

Hey, brother. It’s Lee, Lee Berti. I feel you, man. Remember what I told you I been through? I know how it feels, I really do. Twenty times, must’ve been, I been where you are. Remember what you called me the other day when I sneezed, that long word you made up that had the boys rolling on the ground? If a whatever like me can make it twenty times, I know you can, this one.

 

ANTHONY

(thinks for a second, then nods and says slowly, remembering the word he made up) Lotta…snotta…pocalypse. (smiling now, says the word faster) Lottasnottapocalypse. That’s what it was. (waves hand at his nose and mouth, laughing) Shoulda been a Kleenex commercial.

 

LEE

Yeah. (laughing now too) Didn’t taste very good either.

 

(ANTHONY laughs hard enough to stumble and almost fall off the roof)

 

LEE

Woooah, brother. Easy. Come ‘ere man.

 

(ANTHONY stumbles toward LEE and hugs him, extended hug, then they exit)

 

 

NEVERIN

You see what I learned about these guys who’d been in chains: that they’re actually more free than I am in many ways. They’re free to be honest about themselves and the things they’ve done wrong, because it’s come out; I’m confined to hiding my sins from everyone. Which is not just a form of enslavement, by the way—it’s downright exhausting sometimes. They’re free to enjoy many kinds of work and be truly grateful for it; I can’t really appreciate any because I’m so shackled by professional pride and all the bills I’ve accumulated. They’re free to help a lot of people that I can’t because of my limited life experiences. Notice how often in those encounters I said “I can’t,” “I couldn’t,” or “I wouldn’t be able to”—those inner handcuffs, in a way, are more restricting than any physical chains they’ve had to endure. Notice how often the former inmates said “I can,” and remember that. There are so many things they can do, even a lot of things that us NEVERINs could never do.

 

But there’s one more experience I had with a former inmate, one that will tell us about the most important kind of freedom any of us could ever have…

 

 

Scene Four

 

(Interior, NEVERIN’s office. Two chairs facing each other. NEVERIN is seated and JUSTIN enters.)

 

NEVERIN

Justin…Hi. Come on in, have a seat.

 

JUSTIN

Thanks, Mr. Neverin.

 

NEVERIN

I heard about the fire…man, I am so sorry to hear that you lost everything.

 

JUSTIN

It’s okay. The only stuff that survived are the things I’d given away.

 

NEVERIN

Wow, that’s a good outlook. And your family’s okay, I heard. Did you have renter’s insurance?

 

JUSTIN

No, didn’t know there was such a thing. Until I needed it, that is. (laughs). And now we owe a lot more than before, because all the stock from my wife’s home business was destroyed.

 

NEVERIN

Oh, man, how you gonna make it? Your salary is so low.

 

JUSTIN

God will provide. The church is helping us out until the government assistance kicks in.

 

NEVERIN

Oh, man, that must be tough…. I’d never be able to ask my church for charity money, and I couldn’t even imagine being on welfare. (pauses when he realizes what he’s said and puts hand up) No offense.

 

JUSTIN

None taken. (puts hand up) But I feel bad for you.

 

NEVERIN

You feel bad for me?

 

JUSTIN

Yeah, because you could never take charity. Why do you say that?

 

NEVERIN

Well, first of all, I earn so much that I would never need it, but even if I did, I don’t think my pride would let me.

 

JUSTIN

That’s too bad, because the word charity comes from a word in the Bible that means grace, and without it…none of us can have a relationship with God. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “By grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” Something else I got from church. (smiles) Also, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” That’s James.

 

NEVERIN

Do you preach at your church?

 

JUSTIN

No, I just listen. But when I do, God speaks to me. You should try it.

 

NEVERIN

Hmm, maybe I will.

 

JUSTIN

(Stands up, faces the audience) You may never have to take money from anyone, but you sure as heaven have to be able to receive what you don’t deserve from Jesus in the spiritual realm. He died on the cross to pay the penalty for sin, and he came for the poor in spirit…the ones who know they need him.

 

(Pause, then other actors join him for a bow or two)

 

 

The End

 

Jephthah's Vow -- My experience with one of the most difficult passages in the Bible

My son and I are reading through the book of Judges one chapter each week, and recently we came upon the story of Jephthah's rash and tragic vow in Judges 11. Since I do this as a part of my devotional "time with the Lord," I struggled for days to discern something that I could learn from this passage, some way that God was speaking to me through it. Finally, I read some comments by Charles Spurgeon on the story and, as often happens with my favorite preacher, I felt enlightened.   

Whether what Jephthah did was human sacrifice or not, it was unquestionably a tragedy (the context makes that clear). So Spurgeon's words apply either way….

“What, however, is here especially to be remarked and treasured up in our minds is, that the cup of prosperity and joy which God's goodness had mixed for Jephthah was turned into a cup of bitterness by his own perverse folly and rashness and ignorance of God's grace. See what great things God had done for him. He had delivered him from his life of lawlessness; he had placed him in a high and honourable estate; he had brought him from banishment to the land and house of his fathers; he had filled him with his Spirit, and mightily strengthened him for his great task; he had gone forth with his army, and driven his enemies before his face, and crowned him with victory. Jephthah returned to his home as the deliverer of his country, the restorer of peace to the homesteads of Gilead, all glittering with success and glory, Nor was he wanting in sources of a softer and tenderer happiness. A blight and loving spirit, full of affection and joyous sympathy, overflowing with dutiful pride and beaming sympathy, was awaiting his return. His daughter, the light of his home, the solace of his cares, was there to welcome him and to double his happiness by sharing it. And as he looked forward to the future, he might hope to see her the mother of children who would perpetuate his name and his race. Such was his lot as God had prepared it for him. 

"His own rash and perverse act, springing from a culpable ignorance of the character of God, and directed by heathen superstition and cruelty instead of by trust in the love and mercy of Jehovah, poured an ingredient of extreme bitterness into this cup of joy and poisoned his whole life. The hour of triumph was turned into desolation, the bright home was made a house of mourning, what should have been years of peace and honour were turned into years of trouble and despair, and Jephthah had no one but himself to blame for this lamentable reverse. 

"Alas, how often we can match this scene by similar instances of human perverseness embittering the sweet cup of life! A nation's career is checked by crime, or cruelty, or treachery; an individual's life is marred by some act of ungodliness which entails a life-long harvest of bitter fruits; domestic enjoyment is destroyed by the sins of selfishness and self-willed folly. Bountiful gifts of a gracious Providence, wealth and abundance, splendid opportunities for good, intellectual endowments, rare talents, or, in humbler life, openings for advancement and usefulness which might have led to distinction, are through the perverse folly of their possessors worse than wasted, and dark shadows are thrown across what should have been the brightness of a happy life. And then men speak of their bad luck, and murmur against the providence of God; as if one could sow the wind and not reap the whirlwind, or cut off the shadow of sin, remorse and shame and death.” 

I couldn’t help but think of my big failures when I read that. So at least one application of Judges 11 to our lives is that we need to expect that consequences can be severe and continuing from our sinful and unwise actions in the past. We shouldn't be surprised if they do, and we should be extremely and constantly thankful for any grace and forgiveness from God.

"He sends rain on the just and the unjust..." (and sometimes miraculously)

 

[The following is an excerpt from an unusual memoir I've been writing. Most of it is stories of how I have failed to love God supremely in my life and how He has lovingly smashed my idols one by one. But it also contains stories about his amazing provision and protection for me, like this one from the summer of 1989, when I moved west to attend seminary...]

I have to tell you about what happened on my four-day drive out to California from Pennsylvania…

I made the trip in a little aqua-colored Ford Escort that was already old and beat up before I drove it 3000 miles in the August heat, and it would take a miracle for it to survive the trip. But fortunately God is a God of miracles, as they say, and I saw his power at work in an amazing way on my trip. My girlfriend Jill had given me Scripture verse cards to look at each day and memorize the passage on them. It was Isaiah 43:1-3…

      But now thus says the Lord,

he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

 

Jill had broken the second verse into two parts so I could read and memorize a verse on each day of my four-day journey, and I did do that every day, so that I knew the entire passage by the end of the trip. I also wrote a song on the last day containing all the words in the passage. I was celebrating on that last day because of the miracle that happened on the third day, which was spent entirely in the deserted stretch of land that I think they call “the high plains.” I’m not sure of that, or even what states that route stretches through, but I remember that I passed through the Rocky Mountains and slept the second night in Colorado. On that third day it was extremely hot and the sun beat down for hours on my little old car laden with too much weight with all my stuff. The air conditioning system overheated and broke, leaving me sweating like a pig, and I was expecting the whole engine to do the same at any time, which made me sweat even more out of fear, because there was nothing out there except signs that said “Next Gas 200 Miles,” or something like that. I swear that I even started seeing steam or smoke coming out from under the hood in front of me. I truly thought I would be stranded in the middle of nowhere at any moment, but I kept moving forward because I wasn’t sure what else to do.

              

And I prayed. And worked on memorizing the third Scripture card, which said, “When you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” When I first pulled out that card there was not a cloud in the sky, and believe me, I could see very far out there. But I remember thinking, Only by God’s power will this car’s engine not burn up and strand me out here. 

In the afternoon, when I was sure the car could not stand the heat any longer, I caught sight of a lone cloud formation far in the distance ahead of me. It occurred to me that if somehow rain could fall on the car, the engine might cool down enough to continue functioning through the rest of the day. But I am about as far from a scientist or mechanic as anyone can get, and the cloud formation was far off to the right, seemingly moving away from where my car was headed. As time passed, however, the clouds did actually start to grow closer to my path, and while the sun was still at its height and scorching everything else in that forsaken no man’s land, this man was not forsaken because the clouds ended up right on top of me and rained on my car for about an hour! It was a small cloud formation, as I said, but it seemed to me that it actually changed direction and went the same way my car was going, just long enough to cool it off. After the rain ended and the clouds receded into the distance behind me, I only had a couple hours of sun left and I made it to my next hotel stop, where I and the car could rest for the night.

The Scripture for the day had come true very literally in my case—the fire of the sun had not burned or consumed me as it could have, because my Lord was with me. And the fact that he allowed the air conditioning to break was meaningful to me as well. It was like he was saying, “I haven’t promised you comfort, but I have promised to be with you and preserve you from destruction.” 

When I arrived at my new home in California, I took the Escort to a mechanic who asked me, after looking at the engine, “Did you say you drove this car from Pennsylvania?”

“Yes.” 

“No you didn’t.”

“What do you mean?” 

“The engine block is cracked. There’s no way it could have made it that far.”

I told him about my experience and the Savior who brought me through. He was the first person in California that I shared the Gospel with.

“My Christian wife left me and justified it by saying ‘We never had a marriage’”

I chose that title for this blog because I searched the internet repeatedly trying to find something that addressed this issue directly, and could not find anything (which surprised me, considering how wide the net is). So now there is something that does, in case anyone else wonders about this issue. (I did find this good article, however, which indirectly addresses it: https://www.gotquestions.org/unhappy-marriage.html.)

I’ve thought about this issue a lot because of someone I know who went through this, and I think there are others as well, because when I mentioned it to my pastor, he said that he’s heard this before. So I’ll share the details of the situation that I know about, and what I think the Bible says about it, and hopefully it can be helpful in some way to others (particularly spouses who might be considering divorce based on this kind of thinking).

A Christian couple had been married for many years and had many children together, but when the wife left and was asked about the reason (and biblical justification) for her choice, she said repeatedly, “We never had a marriage.” She had many other complaints, of course, but that was a big one, presumably because it made her decision to leave morally acceptable. If someone has never really been married, then he or she is not really ending a marriage, which God says should only happen in extreme circumstances (Jer. 3:6-10, Matt. 19:3-10, 1 Cor. 7:10-15).

Here is an actual text dialogue, shortly after the wife left, between the husband and a “pastor friend” who had been counseling her…

Pastor Friend: I’m convinced that any type of marriage counseling would not have worked … because from all angles you didn’t have a marriage.

Husband: There are two things you said that need to be addressed. The first is this idea that "we didn't have a marriage," which [my wife] says over and over again (maybe she got it from you and/or [your wife]?). I'm having difficulty thinking of polite words to use to describe this idea, but I'll just pick one that you used previously... unbiblical. We can say whatever about our marriage, that it was troubled, weak, bad, regretful, etc., but it's simply not true that we didn't have a marriage. We took vows before God and the church, we consummated physically (to the tune of [many] kids), we were legally married, and everyone in the society recognized and related to us as married. So "from all angles" (to use your truly mystifying verbiage), we’ve had a marriage according to God's Word. From what you said about that and what you said about counseling right before that, I'm now wondering if you and/or [your wife] are a big reason why [my wife] refuses to do any counseling with me, even with a counselor of her choice, which I've offered to do repeatedly.

Pastor Friend: We will have to agree to disagree. While all the “trappings” of a marriage are present … it doesn’t mean you have a marriage. Not all Israel is Israel. Not all believers are believers. Not all marriages are marriages….

Husband [the next day]: I woke up in the middle of the night and realized something important and ironic about our conversation that I feel compelled to share. You guys are telling me that I need to repent when I already have repented of my sins, asked [my wife] for forgiveness, and shown the fruit of repentance by being willing to go to counseling to work on myself and the marriage (which is all I can do at this point). But you (and your wives) are actually in need of repentance, because you are approving of and supporting my wife divorcing me when she has no biblical grounds to do so, which is displeasing to the Lord and harmful to her, our children, and many others. The idea that we "don't have a marriage," in particular, which you have either encouraged or not corrected, is especially damaging because it allows her to think what she's doing is okay with God. That's probably why she keeps saying it over and over again, because if we don't have a marriage then she's not ending a marriage and doing something that God hates. (Please share this with your wives.)

I won’t write as much as I could about what the “pastor friend” said, because I don’t want to kill a gnat with a sledgehammer (something I’ve done too many times). But if we assume that the Bible is God’s sufficient Word to us, it should be fairly obvious from the following examples that He views a marriage as a real marriage when public vows of marital commitment have been made and sexual consummation has occurred (plus a governmental and legal record is helpful—though not necessary—in confirming the legitimacy of the marriage).

Also, the ex-husband in that situation disagrees with his ex-wife about the quality of their marriage (he thinks it was difficult, of course, but also that there were many things to be thankful for). But let’s assume for the sake of discussion that it was a very bad marriage…

Genesis 2:24 (quoted in Ephesians 5) doesn’t say a couple is married only if it’s a good marriage—it simply says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” When a couple makes a public commitment to create a new family and they consummate that relationship, they are married in God’s eyes and are referred to by Him as husband and wife (Gen. 2:25 et al).

The Bible contains many stories of very bad marriages, and they all are treated as real marriages. Take Jacob and Leah, for example… Jacob did not even intend to marry Leah (he thought he was working for and marrying Rachel but was tricked by their father Laban), and their marriage was very rocky, to say the least. Yet Leah is clearly said to be Jacob’s wife throughout his entire life until the end of it. And even Rachel, who he married seven years later, is referred to as his wife from then on. I’m not saying this to legitimize or promote polygamy, but the point is that even a marriage that does not follow God’s design from the beginning is still considered a marriage in God’s eyes. (Deuteronomy 24:1-4 proves the point also, because it treats an illegitimate second marriage as a real marriage.)

Ephesians 5 says Christ is married to us (the church)…. Is the church a good spouse? It could rightly be said that Jesus has a very bad marriage in the sense of how we treat Him, yet He is really married to us and stays married to us through thick and thin (mostly thin!).

1 Peter 3:1-2 says, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” The context indicates that this passage applies to extremely bad marriages—“likewise” connects it to the discussion of abusive slave masters in the preceding verses and verse 6 twice mentions a potential “fear” that wives might experience. My point here is not to say wives should stay in an abusive relationship, but simply to say that even relationships like that are treated as real marriages in the Scriptures.

Even when people are in the worst marital situation imaginable, they are still married according to the Bible. So this must also be true of merely “unhappy” marriages. If couples get divorced, even for unbiblical reasons, then they are really and truly divorced (also proven by the wording in Deut. 24, as well as 1 Cor. 7:10-11). But until one partner leaves with no intention of returning, the couple is married in God’s eyes and responsible to keep their vows and try to make it work, “for better or worse, in sickness and in health,…” etc.

The argument that “not all marriages are marriages” because “not all Israel is Israel” and “not all believers are believers” falls apart very quickly when we realize that God’s Word says “not all Israel is Israel” (Rom. 9:6) and not all believers are believers (John 2:23-24). So of course those statements are true. But the Bible never says “not all marriages are marriages,” nor does it even hint at that idea, from what I’ve seen. On the contrary, the Bible seems to assume all marriages are legitimate until they end in divorce, which the Bible views as legitimate as well (even though it might be morally wrong in many cases).

The idea that a married couple may have “never been really married” also makes all the biblical passages about marriage, divorce, and remarriage utterly nonsensical, because we would never know if they are talking about someone who is “really married” or someone who is not. And it creates a practical nightmare, because anyone could say at any time, “We were never really married,” and justify anything they want to do.

Advisors who promote this false idea might have good intentions in doing so, but it clearly seems to be to be form of false teaching, especially because its “fruit” is that Christian people are ending their God-given marriages by citing the excuse that “we never had a marriage.” So I agree with the statement above that repentance is needed for those who give that kind of counsel, as well as those who follow it.

 

God Met Me in My Doubt and Fear

For my time with the Lord first thing in the morning, I usually have been reading a chapter in the book of Mark and an Old Testament story in a book with Rembrandt paintings accompanying the stories. But this morning, because my son was behind in his reading (he reads the same thing as I do, then we talk about it), I needed to do something else...

Recently I've been having some negative thoughts and feelings of doubt and fear that reminded me of what I experienced nine years ago when I went through one of the worst times in my life. Does God really love me? I've asked myself. And does He really have a good plan for my future? Or will I just spend the rest of my life with no money and all kinds of health problems? Is there really a "next life" that will make all the suffering here worthwhile? 

During my crisis years ago, when I had similar doubts and fears, I would read several Psalms each day, starting with the Psalm corresponding to the date and doubling that number until there were no more Psalms to read. So, for example, if it was the 2nd of the month, I would read Psalm 2, then Psalm 4, then Psalm 8, then Psalm 16, and so on. Today was September 2, so I did exactly that this morning. All the Psalms I read were meaningful, but Psalm 16 just jumped off the page at me. I'll share some of the highlights from it below. (I read it in the New Living Translation because I wanted to experience these familiar passages from a new perspective, and that worked, but sure enough I also discovered a bad translation, which happens sometimes with that version.)

Verse 2 says, "I said to the Lord, 'You are my Master! Every good thing I have comes from you.'” This reminded me of how many good things I do have [thankfulness is a key to everything!] and where they come from [there's nothing better to crowd out doubt and fear from our hearts than thanking and praising God].

Verse 4 says, "Troubles multiply for those who chase after other gods. I will not take part in their sacrifices of blood or even speak the names of their gods." This reminded me that doubt and fear are actually forms of idolatry, because when we give in to them, we are trusting in something else other than God. And I also was reminded of an unusual memoir I finished writing at the beginning of the year, of which the title or subtitle will be Confessions of a Serial Idolater. I reviewed in my mind some of the lessons I've learned when God has toppled the idols in my life.

Verse 8 says, "I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me." This is how the NLT translates the verse, which is meaningful as it is, but when I listened to the song I share about below, I realized that the literal (and correct) translation is even better: "Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." The reference to "my right hand" hints at the One who sits at the right hand of God. Through His sacrifice for us and the work of the Holy Spirit, we have been made One with Him and with the Father and receive by grace all the Divine love and blessing He deserves. 

Verses 10-11 are the climax of the Psalm: "You will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your holy one to rot in the grave. You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever." There IS INDEED a future life that will make the trials of this one worthwhile in the end... and I pray for more faith to believe it when the doubt and fear start to creep in. "I do believe," I said this morning, "Lord, help my unbelief." 

After I read the Psalm, I said "song about Psalm 116" into my phone, and this one came up... (I listened to it four times.)

Reformers before the Reformers (yes, true biblical faith existed in the Middle Ages)

I made an amazing discovery tonight as I was looking for biblical statements made during the Middle Ages to be included in a list of historical documents that contain the system of doctrine for a new non-profit ministry I'm working on. 

I already had included early church statements like 1 Corinthians 15:3-4 (55 AD) and the Apostles' Creed (300-400 AD) and later Reformation statements like the Heidelberg Catechism (1563) and the Westminster Confession (1646), but I was hoping to find something medieval that captured a biblical worldview consistent with the Scriptures. The difficulty with finding such written statements, of course, is that the leaders of the Roman Catholic Church (and the Orthodox churches in the latter half of the Middle Ages) controlled what was published and preserved during that time and did not allow anything to endure that contradicted their corrupted dogma.

But my search led me to a fascinating list of beliefs held by the Waldensians, a movement that started in the 1100s in France, spread throughout Europe in the following centuries, and was eventually enveloped into the the Protestant movement at the time of the Reformation.

What's so fascinating about this particular list is that it's probably very accurate historically, unlike a lot of what is written about the Waldensians. Everyone wants to claim them as forbears, from Mennonites to Anabaptists to Seventh Day Adventists to feminists and more, so accounts tend to be prejudiced and shaped according to each writer's point of view. But this list comes from a Roman Catholic scholar who does not agree with anything the Waldensians believed and is highly skeptical of most accounts coming from those who do. So he probably got pretty close to the truth with his list.

Before I tell you what's on the list, here's a footnote from the article documenting what I just said, so you can see that I haven't made it up: "Pius Melia, D.D., The Origin, Persecutions, and Doctrines of the Waldenses, pp. 101-129. This section of Melia's book.... not only cites several original Waldensian and inquisitorial documents for each point in the original and in translation, but in addition, each doctrine mentioned is answered from the Roman Catholic point of view."

So what did the Waldensians believe? Well, Melia's list (with the article author's additions) reads like a doctrinal statement of affirmations and denials that Reformational Christians today would be proud to have written. Here it is:

The Church of God has failed.

The Holy Scriptures alone are sufficient to guide men to Salvation.

The blessings and consecrations practiced in the Church do not confer any particular sanctity upon the things or persons blessed or consecrated.

Catholic priests have no authority; and the Pope of Rome is the chief of all heresiarchs.

Everyone has the right to preach publicly the word of God.

Every oath is a mortal sin.

Purgatory is a dream, an invention of the sixth century.

The indulgences of the Church are an invention of covetous Priests.

There is no obligation to fast, nor to keep any holy day, Sunday excepted.

The invocation of Saints cannot be admitted.

Every honor given in the Church to the holy images of paintings, and to the relics of Saints is to be abolished.

To this list, he adds doctrines that belong to the period between the Hussite revolt and the Lutheran Revolution:

Auricular Confession [to priests in a confessional booth] is useless, and. . .it is enough to confess our sins to God.

The definition of the church is, "the whole of the elect from the beginning of the world to its end." and that regarding ministries, "the holy Catholic Church is the congregation of all ministers and people obeying the Divine will, and by obedience united."

It is necessary to receive the Eucharist under two kinds. [everyone should take both the bread and the wine.]

To these I [the author of the article] would add, 

The church and the state should remain as separate authorities.

The Eucharist is to be viewed as a memorial, not as a sacrifice.

Wow... How about that? There's an amazing confluence between those persecuted medieval believers and many of us today! I myself would agree with almost everything on those lists, with a few exceptions where I think the ideas are overstated, which is typical and understandable among groups who are being exiled and killed for their faith - they tend to radicalize to one degree or another when they're so violently cut off from the institutional church and become reactionary against those who are persecuting them.

So I would include this Waldensian "doctrinal statement" as an example of one that contains the system of theology (though not all the specific points, of course) that has been believed by all true Christians throughout the history of the church. I hope you've found it interesting and encouraging!